The Atlas Effect.

The Atlas effect has set in.

What is the Atlas effect, you may ask? It's that feeling that you're carrying the world upon your shoulders, that there is no possible way you can move, and that at any moment you may fall. You want so badly to keep holding up the world, and would even like to uplift it further. But it's forcing you down. And there's no way to fight it.

I feel like this happens every semester, around this time. Finals are coming up, everything is gearing up to wind down, and everyone would find more enjoyment shooting someone -- including themselves -- in the foot, rather than taking care of their obligations and responsibilities.

During this time, there are so many things that are heavy on our hearts and minds. This can include tests, meetings, checking things off of our to-do lists, and even the people in our lives. Recently, I've been told by multiple people that they feel as if they're going through a bout of depression. That they're just not themselves, and they can't seem to remember how to return to the person they once understood themselves to be. I can honestly say, I've been there. But that doesn't make it any easier to watch a loved one suffer.

The hardest thing for me to face is the fact that I, personally, cannot fix people. I often find myself in pursuit of the perfect words to say, at just the right time, in just the right place, so that someone gets those warm, fuzzy feelings and believes in himself or herself again. I just want so badly for people to be happy, and when I hear of these negative feelings and thoughts, it breaks my heart.

I believe very strongly in the power of Jesus Christ and His ability and willingness to save our souls. And personally, I think that you can't believe in the good without the bad -- that is to say, in addition to believing in our Redeemer, I also believe that there are spirits actively working to distract us from turning to our Heavenly Father and allowing Him to be our everything. What better time to distract us than when our bodies and minds are weak?

God has been using reminiscence recently to remind me of who He is and why He is the one who holds the world in His hands -- not me. Like I've said before, I've had to face low points too. It's not that I'm too ashamed to share details, it's just that this would be a way-the-heck-too-long blog post if I did. And recently, God has reminded me of what has come out of those low times in my life. It's when I learn the most about myself. It's when God shows me the most about Himself. It's when I'm the most vulnerable, when I thirst most for God's Word, and when it's easiest for me to hear His whisper. By bringing me back to these places in my life, He's told me, "I know you want to fix people, Anna. Trust me, I don't want them to have to go through this either. But it's the only way I can get their attention. And it will be worth it in the end."

It will all be worth it in the end.

May the grace of God find you where you least expect it today. May the Holy Spirit fill your soul and bring you peace. I pray that you know there's nothing wrong with not feeling happy at all times, and that you find people you love and respect enough to be honest with in such instances. But when you do laugh, I hope you laugh harder than you've laughed in ages, and that the love of and for those around you fills your heart as you've never experienced before. As you go into the world today, trust that you are deeply loved and that you never walk alone.

Do the world a favor; be exactly who you are. Nothing more, nothing less.

Just... write.

I am ridiculous. Why, you may ask? Well, too many reasons to mention. But the thing to which I am referring is the very thing that currently holds your attention.

This blog.

You see, I have an obsession with language, with communication, with expression. I write something almost every day, and yet I haven't updated this blog in over four months.

I wanted, so badly, for this blog to be organized. It had a particular plan and a specified purpose. And you know, maybe that was my downfall. I try to urge people to write as often as possible. I tell them to be unafraid of the mistakes of their own writing, and yet I sit here with five unpublished posts -- more than I have published. In essence, I am nothing short of a hypocrite.

But it's time for that to change. It's time for me to care more about sharing my thoughts with others. I'm not here to say my thoughts are utterly profound or earth-shattering by any means, and, if that's what you're expecting, I apologize in advance for the disappointment. However, I am here to say that I serve a God who imagined the idea of an imagination. And then, graciously, He gave one to us all. To not use it would be to waste a gift.

So I choose to change my lackadaisical public writing habits. I'm going to keep up with my blog(s) and my journals. I'm going to practice what it means to be rid of audience inhibition. I'm going to remember what it's like to be transparent. And I'm going to use that to help me remember what it means to be alive.

May the God of imagination remind you what it means to dream, to hope, to wish. I pray you learn to dream like you did as a child, innocent and free from all forms of rules and expectations. More importantly, I pray you learn to live like you used to dream.

Wait.

What does it mean to truly wait on the LORD?

I've been hearing this phrase ever since I can remember. At first, I thought it was a prompt of service. You know, like I was a waitress and God was at a table, asking me to do things for Him. In my mind, I was very literally "waiting" on the LORD. But there is a far holier purpose than what my young mind once believed.

God sees us, inside and out. "Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account" (Hebrews 4:13). He knows our innermost thoughts, the most secret cries of our hearts, and yet He still desires to be near us. In the midst of our imperfections, He longs to provide help, and yet we turn away. Why in the world would the children of God do such a foolish thing?

Impatience. Impatience, among other things, sums up a great deal of our resistance toward God. Since our human minds cannot comprehend His holy timing, we make the mistake of thinking that He just isn't speaking, isn't moving, doesn't care -- that He is silent. But if we were to just wait...

Let's think about that for a second. What is waiting on us if we wait on Him? One popular subject in the Bible is this "ask, seek, knock" idea. And why wouldn't it be popular? Of course we all long for answers, and this verse promises them. But I believe the ideas behind this verse have become a little more than slightly misconstrued.

As a result of our culture, we live for the immediate. When I ask, I want answers. I don't have time to truly search; I need what I'm looking for now. When I knock, I expect someone to answer within a certain time frame or I leave. But here's how the verse reads in the New Living Translation:

"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you" (Matthew 7:7).

The idea of continuation. Patience. Waiting.

God doesn't always use the immediate. He doesn't need it. How could He be confined by time? He created it. As Donald Miller explains, "This isn't a fast-food restaurant; it's the kingdom of God, and quality disciples take a lot of time. Jesus is patient to the end."

Sometimes, we must grow in order to truly understand what we ask from God, or to possess just a portion of the responsibility necessary to handle it. There are times -- maybe in the future, maybe even now -- that this will be frustrating, because patience is a challenge to us all. But if all else fails, envelope this as your hope: "so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him" (Hebrews 9:28).

It takes a lot of discipline to be a disciple. So right now, find a place to meet with God. Allow your heart to settle. Just sit for a while, listening to Him. Don't be afraid if you don't hear anything. Simply rest in His presence. Let this be your friendly reminder that in the end, all that frustration, all the tearful hoping, all of the time you spent waiting on the LORD was well worth it. Seriously, you're impressed by what God's doing now? Well... just you wait.

May your day bring inexplicable joy. May you bask in the glory of the one true Father and truly understand the idea of surrender. Relish in the truth that you are deeply loved. And go out and do something because of it.

Potential.

Today, after clumsily spilling a full cup of water all over our rug in the sunroom, I rushed to get a towel. As I transferred the water from one soaking object to another, I wondered, "Why didn't I just fill the glass up partially to begin with? I knew I wouldn't drink it all before I went to sleep." As I pondered this, I noticed something -- I've never filled a glass up only part of the way in my life. And after realizing that, I think we may have just as much to learn from the way we fill up water glasses as we do from our determination of whether it's half empty or half full.

I wondered why I do this. Habit? Possibly. I have done it for as long as I can remember. Am I lazy? Maybe. I guess it could potentially save me a trip in the long run. Am I wasteful? That's probably way more true than I would care to admit. But I don't think that's why. I think it's because when you see the true potential of something, you can't help but want to see it reached.

I know what you're thinking. Come on, Anna. It's a glass of water. But something about this really speaks to me. This same idea has proven to be true in real life circumstances. Who do people most want to be associated with? Successful people. What determines their success? The level of human potential that they have reached. People decide whether to hop on board or run for the hills depending on where they see things are going.

So how do we reach this point in our lives? Do we keep trying things until we find our perfect fit? Do we just pray and hope everything works out right? Well, I don't have the answer to that. All I know is that you have potential -- more potential than what you can see right now. A part of your journey is finding it; a part of my journey is offering encouragement and any help you may need along the way.

Go out today and inspire someone.

When the search finds you.

Today, I sat down to lunch with my friend Molly. As we discussed our newest summer endeavors, she began talking with me about the desk she's refinishing. She told me about every detail of everything she was going through in order to make the desk presentable -- how her right arm hurt from all of the effort she was putting into sanding, the tedious work of sanding the corners. Then, she mentioned something that caught the interest of us both.

As she talked about sanding the top of the desk, sawdust covering everything in her garage thanks to the Oklahoma draft, she laughingly said that there came a time where she scraped away the shavings and said, "Whoa, there's a whole different desk under here!"

We began talking about how the Christian walk looks very similar. We work and we work, we get frustrated, our body aches, and we feel like we'll never be finished. But as soon as we scrape away all of the junk that hinders us from seeing what's underneath, we are finally introduced to the end result.

This can be frustrating. At first, you're inspired. I mean seriously, look at all the work you just accomplished! But there's an entire table still waiting to receive the same attention. And at times, you may become disheartened by how much you have left to do, but I beg you to realize that it is a process. And you must recognize that the desk does not sand itself; don't be afraid to ask for help from those you trust around you, and continually pray for your heart to be made new and for energy to be added to your life to keep you moving.

Next time you're in a drought, try to find the time to pick up a project. Let it move you. Go into it knowing that, as with anything you devote your time and effort to, it will both uplift and frustrate you. Recognize that God made everything and so, through everything, we can see glimpses of Him. Exactly every movement you make is the result of His divine plan, and so be open to letting yourself go. Pour your heart into everything you do, and learn.

May the whisper of the Holy Spirit touch your heart today. May the grace and mercy of God quench your thirst as you run your race. Fear nothing, especially not love. And for goodness' sake, live your life.

The importance of questioning.

We are all programmed to question. As soon as we fully comprehend the ability to deny, screeching out a "NO!" in response to almost anything someone says, we begin asking "why?". I don't think we grow out of this; instead, I think it's simply repressed. So why do we pretend like it's not important?

I often find myself easily persuaded by the people around me. I know that this has psychological understatements -- the power of suggestion and all of those marketing techniques definitely help prove this -- but still, sometimes it catches me off-guard. I feel like I'm pretty strongly grounded in the way that I feel. I try to approach everything with an open heart and an open mind, but after you've tossed ideas around about the same things for a period of time, you have a pretty set opinion of them. But the things that I have not yet thought of are what scare me most.

Our opinions should not be guided in a "first come, first serve" mentality. By that, I mean that just because someone is the first to speak to you about certain information does not mean that you should automatically accept it as your own. Even if you attend church and hear the words come out of your pastor's mouth, that does not make them your words. I love and respect my pastor and know that he is a wonderful God-fearing man, but I follow Jesus, not him.

Many Biblical metaphors of Christianity are based on our child-like tendencies. And if you know any children, you know that curiosity is a large part of their lives. So don't be afraid to question. I mean, try not to start a fight over it, but asking someone a simple "why?" can open up so many doors -- into their heart, into their mind, or just a simple background story -- that you could have missed out on otherwise. We should live child-like lives, being innocent, pure, loving, accepting, and free. However, I urge you to recognize that there is a difference between being child-like and being childish.

Go out and be spontaneous today. Do something you haven't done since you were a little kid. Make up a story, play catch just because, color outside the lines, play hide and seek in a department store, fly a kite, spin in circles until you fall down. And when life's little stresses sneak into your life, look up at the sky and smile, because God has much bigger blessings in store. Allow yourself to simply be, and remember what it's like to live freely.